I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
