Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
