i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
