You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
