We're facebook friends in real life
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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