is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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