Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
