Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"