When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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