Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
