'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
