i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
