I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
