Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
