i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
