I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
