Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
