You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The best revenge is premature balding
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
