you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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