what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
