Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Randomize
