girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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