I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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