Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
