So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
