Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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