Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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