forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
