Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
