My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
