There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We named our party play list daddy issues
he thought i was a dude.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
