Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
