i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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