he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We have started to decorate penises.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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