just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
