She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was born a porn star she said
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize