WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
