Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
