I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
