No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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