my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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