I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
