In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
