these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
