This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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