what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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