dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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