Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The cops high fived after they tackled you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
