U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
