Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
