I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
