I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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