imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
