Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to use my car keys to open my door

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I just started a sentence with yellow.

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  (778): I tried to use my car keys to open my door (1-778): I just started a sentence with yellow. http://tfl.nu/gagl
  Replies (9) Good night (1679) Bad night (539)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them

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  (617): were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them http://tfl.nu/uwjn
  Replies (56) Good night (4922) Bad night (687)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.

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  (201): You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/vn8h
  Replies (12) Good night (3428) Bad night (1000)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.

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  (859): MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT. http://tfl.nu/s1v1
  Replies (70) Good night (4717) Bad night (1380)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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  (847): Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over. http://tfl.nu/gmxm
  Replies (35) Good night (1430) Bad night (2819)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i really wish james franco would like my vagina

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  (540): i really wish james franco would like my vagina http://tfl.nu/g4mj
  Replies (25) Good night (5796) Bad night (1217)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

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  (770): I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar. http://tfl.nu/rlky
  Replies (9) Good night (3973) Bad night (2233)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

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  (404): hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away http://tfl.nu/s83j
  Replies (6) Good night (3837) Bad night (905)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?

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  (219): How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year? http://tfl.nu/u8i3
  Replies (10) Good night (2550) Bad night (583)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%

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  (778): Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25% http://tfl.nu/4mvy
  Replies (5) Good night (1100) Bad night (564)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?

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  (303): How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads? http://tfl.nu/o7ne
  Replies (10) Good night (1635) Bad night (517)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best

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  (443): I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best http://tfl.nu/exu8
  Replies (6) Good night (1584) Bad night (397)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will

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  (205): I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will http://tfl.nu/rm9j
  Replies (2) Good night (929) Bad night (382)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.

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  (256): I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down. http://tfl.nu/18pc
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (257)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.

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  (917): He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom. http://tfl.nu/byxb
  Replies (10) Good night (813) Bad night (443)

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