I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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