I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
