i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings