what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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