bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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