There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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