my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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