How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
