are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
