I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
