It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
