I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize