What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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