I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
