Whod you bang
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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