I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"it" just moved
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's paper in my vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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