3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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