Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
