hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
