i don't like sucking hair
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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