i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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