I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
