You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
