Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
