..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
