I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
