as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
