great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
