Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
