Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema†were spoken.
Randomize
