Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
