watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
