Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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