I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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