The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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