the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i've created a new STD.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
